Wild at Heart is the least objectionable Lynch film we’ve seen thus far, but that’s not really saying much. We absolutely loved Nicolas Cage’s character, Sailor, but the movie is really poorly written and Lula (played by Laura Dern) gets raped or almost-raped more times than we’re comfortable with. Characters disappear and reappear, the plot wanders all over the place, The Wizard of Oz gets referenced ubiquitously and for no discernable purpose, and the whole thing’s about 20 minutes too long.

Much like Vampire’s Kiss, this movie is extremely fun to watch at times but far too problematic (and boring) to make us really enjoy it.

1 hour ago · 0 notes · Comments

#15 - Wild at Heart As long as this movie has a total lack of oozing mutant babies, skinned deer on stilts, terrible 80s lady-crooning, or an unlistenable droning soundtrack, I think we’ll be okay. We’re hoping for a sufficiently weird Cage performance in this one.

#15 - Wild at Heart

As long as this movie has a total lack of oozing mutant babies, skinned deer on stilts, terrible 80s lady-crooning, or an unlistenable droning soundtrack, I think we’ll be okay. We’re hoping for a sufficiently weird Cage performance in this one.

5 hours ago · 0 notes · Comments

I realize Gifolas Cage just posted this, but holy fuck this is amazing. The winking is killing me. I mentioned this a few weeks ago but I want to reiterate that there are a lot of sparkly Nicolas Cage gifs on the internet. The next time we have to take an extended break, expect a lot of those on the blog.

I realize Gifolas Cage just posted this, but holy fuck this is amazing. The winking is killing me.

I mentioned this a few weeks ago but I want to reiterate that there are a lot of sparkly Nicolas Cage gifs on the internet. The next time we have to take an extended break, expect a lot of those on the blog.

1 day ago · 743 notes · Comments · Source · Reblogged from gifolas-cage

Fire Birds is right wing anti drug war propaganda, but it’s hilarious right wing anti drug war propaganda. Everyone looks like they’re on a moderate amount of Valium and the dialogue doesn’t make much sense since it’s mostly military and airplane jargon, but there are explosions, some great Cagey moments, and a romantic interest (played by Sean Young) who’s surprisingly badass.

2 days ago · 0 notes · Comments

All this jingoism is turning us on.

2 days ago · 0 notes · Comments

#14 - Fire Birds AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!COMIN’ AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DAY, YEAH!AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY![South American drug cartels], YOUR GAME IS THROUGH,‘CAUSE NOW YOU’VE GOT TO ANSWER TOAMERICA, FUCK YEAH! 

#14 - Fire Birds

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
COMIN’ AGAIN TO SAVE THE MOTHERFUCKIN’ DAY, YEAH!
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!
FREEDOM IS THE ONLY WAY!
[South American drug cartels], YOUR GAME IS THROUGH,
‘CAUSE NOW YOU’VE GOT TO ANSWER TO
AMERICA, FUCK YEAH! 


2 days ago · 0 notes · Comments

In retrospect, we probably should have cut this one from the Cagematch master list since Nicolas Cage is really only in the first two minutes and the rest of it is shitty 80s music and other Lynchian masturbation.

It’s still not as bad as Time to Kill.

ETA: This is actually our seventeenth Cagematch movie. We hated It Could Happen to You so much we completely forgot we watched it.

1 week ago · 0 notes · Comments

#13 - Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Dream of the Broken Hearted Nicolas Cage breaks Laura Dern’s heart in a performance art piece by David Lynch. This was performed live and then filmed. From Rotten Tomatoes: The story begins with Cage telling Dern, WILD AT HEART style, “I gotta go, baby”. Heartbroken, Dern reacts like Lula might, then dreams that she’s floating above a landscape (as Julee Cruise) littered with dwarfs, men on stilts, abandon cars crawling with naked women, and grotesque monsters, while singing songs about love. Look, it can’t possibly be worse than Time to Kill, so we’re game.

#13 - Industrial Symphony No. 1: The Dream of the Broken Hearted

Nicolas Cage breaks Laura Dern’s heart in a performance art piece by David Lynch. This was performed live and then filmed. From Rotten Tomatoes:

The story begins with Cage telling Dern, WILD AT HEART style, “I gotta go, baby”. Heartbroken, Dern reacts like Lula might, then dreams that she’s floating above a landscape (as Julee Cruise) littered with dwarfs, men on stilts, abandon cars crawling with naked women, and grotesque monsters, while singing songs about love.

Look, it can’t possibly be worse than Time to Kill, so we’re game.

1 week ago · 0 notes · Comments

Time to Kill might be the worst movie in the Cagematch. It’s one of the worst movies either of us has ever seen. It’s simultaneously boring and extremely racist and sexist. Also, no one in the movie points out that the heroes of this movie are Italians in World War II, so we’re supposed to root for a bunch of imperialist fascists. In this video, we’re not so much subdued as we are completely ashamed that we actually sat through this cinematic turd.

We’re kind of mad at Nicolas Cage for having been in this. You’ve disappointed us, dude.

1 week ago · 1 note · Comments

#12 - Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere) We’ve been dreading this movie since we created the Cagematch master list back in February. It’s why we’ve taken so long to update. Nicolas Cage plays an Italian soldier in Ethiopia during World War II. While in Ethiopia, he meets a woman. Whom he rapes. And then murders. We’re all for giving movies fair chances, but this one’s got the deck stacked against it pretty badly in terms of being unwatchable.

#12 - Time to Kill (Tempo di uccidere)

We’ve been dreading this movie since we created the Cagematch master list back in February. It’s why we’ve taken so long to update. Nicolas Cage plays an Italian soldier in Ethiopia during World War II. While in Ethiopia, he meets a woman. Whom he rapes. And then murders.

We’re all for giving movies fair chances, but this one’s got the deck stacked against it pretty badly in terms of being unwatchable.

1 week ago · 0 notes · Comments · Source