- Marissa: He's taking his shirt off again! He looks like a naked mole rat, but ginger.
- Beth: This movie needs to stop trying to sell us on the idea of David Caruso as a sex object. If you're going to do the dramatic shirt removal thing, you need to be ripped!
- Marissa: He's like a human carrot. Even his lips are orange!
When we started the Cagematch, I thought that I might use my mad law school skills and note how many crimes and torts Nicolas Cage commits in each movie. Then we watched Vampire’s Kiss and I lost count/stopped caring. It’s even worse in Bad Lieutenant. No one seems to notice either character’s bad acts, even when they occur in public. No one calls the cops on them. In Bad Lieutenant, Terence McDonagh gets promoted to Captain instead of being investigated by Internal Affairs. In Vampire’s Kiss, Peter Loew commits a murder in a packed club and no one notices or cares. There’s not even a single chase scene in either of those movies, or a moment where the main character is about to be revealed. These guys do some pretty terrible shit and never see any repercussions. (Yeah, Peter Loew gets staked, but it functions more as a mirror to Nosferatu than a consequence of his actions.)
Here’s a not-so-quick rundown of the crazy shit that happens in these two movies, none of which draws the attention of passers-by, police, coworkers, family, or friends.
The tortures of the damned, indeed.
So, go ahead and watch the trailer for Vampire’s Kiss. Are you all set up to think this will be a silly, forgettable, light-hearted romp through supernatural love in the 1980’s?
Well then my friend, you are dead fucking wrong.
- Marissa: I'm really not looking forward to watching Captain Corelli's Mandolin.
- Beth: I heard he learned to play the mandolin for that movie.
- Marissa: Sweet! Nic Cage mandolin solos!
Beth and I like to joke that we’ve seen a lot of Nicolas Cage movies. It turns out we’ve only seen about one-sixth of the Cage oeuvre. America’s favorite scenery chewer has been in a lot of movies - 61 that are currently available to us.
We’re going to watch all of them
in chronological order whatever order we want (because we kind of need to see Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance in theaters next weekend) or die trying.