We have nothing but hateful, incoherent things to say about this no-budget cartoon that only vaguely resembles A Christmas Carol.
Except Scrooge has friends who are mice. This is not an exaggeration.
Hollywood needs to stop trying to sell us on the awesomeness of getting married and having babies when they’re both portrayed as a thankless, soul-crushing chore. Nicolas Cage does a pretty good job in this one but, much like many of his other movies, the concept and script are pretty awful.
“Gone in 60 seconds” accurately describes our attention spans while watching this movie. Nicolas Cage is barely conscious throughout and Angelina Jolie has the scummiest set of white girl dreads we’ve ever seen. (And we’re saying this as people who know a lot of scummy white people.)
Good movie + death plague = short video. We’ve finally cracked it!
So we actually did this one a week ago but pretty much everyone in Pennsylvania has the flu and we’re both pretty sick. This is our punishment for Cagematching while drunk.
Also, meet Brandon! He is proof that we have friends.
This is our 31st movie, which means we’ve completed more than half of the Cagematch. (Although at the rate Nicolas Cage is pumping out movies, we’ll update this blog until we’re dead.) We have some real turds to sit through in the second half, so it’s only going to get weirder and complainier from here on out.
This movie has everything we don’t like: Nicolas Cage as a simpering romantic lead, a bunch of nonsensically vague spiritual garbage, Meg Ryan, that awful Goo Goo Dolls song, and Dennis Franz’s ass.
Bonus: at the end of the video we have some choice words (and hand gestures) for a creepy YouTube commenter.
We rate the approximately 900,000 Nicolas Cage movies that are coming out in the next two years. Unfortunately, since we have an undying commitment to the Cagematch, we’ll be watching and reviewing these eventually. Vigilante movies for all!
Much like Face/Off, our video seems a bit long, but it’s incredibly silly and totally worth watching.
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